The Haggadah tells us that the Torah addresses the question of telling the Passover story to our children by referring to four different kinds of children. One is wise, one is evil, one is uncomplicated, and the last doesn't know to ask questions. Each son asks a question, even if the last does so in his silence. We can see from the question what they are looking to take from the seder experience.
I believe these four approaches follow through in how we react to tragedy as well. Given the dismal state of current events, perhaps this is worth some exploration.
R' Joseph Ber Soloveitchikzt"l ("the Rav") addresses the question posed by the Holocaust in his seminal work on religious Zionism, "Kol Dodi Dofeik". His position is that the question of why is there human suffering can't be answered. Any attempt to address theodicy is going to insult the intellect or the emotions, and quite likely both. But "Why?" isn't the Jewish question. Judaism, with its focus on halachah, on deed, asks, "What shall I do about it?"
The Rav continues by quoting the Talmudic principle, "Just as we bless [G-d] for the good, so we bless [Him] for the evil." Just as we dedicate all the good that comes are way to be tools in our avodas Hashem, we also dedicate ourselves through our responses to suffering.
This is the wise son's reaction. "Who is wise? He who learns from every person." The wise son is one who turns everything into a learning experience. His response to the seder is "What are the testimonial acts, the dictates, the laws, which Hashem your G-d commanded you?" How does G-d teach us to react to the events of Egypt and freedom? How am I supposed to react to tragedy?
When G-d presents tragedy to the wise son, they are called nisyonos -- challenges or tests. Like the Akeidah, a learning experience for Abraham, to get him to fully realize his potential.
The second son, the wicked son, needs a wake up call. What the gemarah refers to as "yisurim". In the weekday prayer "Tachanun" we ask G-d to forgive our sins "but not through yisurim or bad illness".
The evil son of the Hagadah doesn't respond to this wakeup call. He asks, -- no, he says rhetorically, "What [good] is this job to you?" Our response is to blunt his teeth and point out that had he been there, he wouldn't have been amongst those to merit the Exodus. We tell him that it's not the tragedy that is leading him to rejecting G-d -- it's his rejection of G-d that lead him to the tragedy. I like to imagine he accepts this answer in the silence after the paragraph.
There is a second kind of yissurim, yissurim shel ahavah -- tribulations of love. This is not where the person is being evil, but he's not living up to his full potential. He too is in a rut, and G-d calls to him to break out of it and improve. G-d calls him to ahavah, to greater love and closeness to G-d.
This is the uncomplicated son, the one who believes with simple and pure faith. He asks "What is this?" and we answer with the Pesach story, with all that G-d did for us. Unlike the wise son, who wants to know all the laws of the day, all the nuances of how to react, the uncomplicated son is given motivation to cling to the A-lmighty.
Then there are times where the thing we want is a greater nisayon, a greater challenge, than the ones we don't. And if we are not up to the challenge, if it's a test that we couldn't pass, G-d doesn't make us face it.
There is a story told (Taanis 24b) of R' Chanina ben Dosa, a man so holy that the Talmud tells numerous stories of miracles that occured to him. And yet one so poor that a heavenly Voice commented that the whole world was supported by R' Chanina's merit, but he himself lived off a small measure of carob from one Friday to the next.
Eventually his wife just couldn't handle the abject poverty any longer. He agreed to her request that he pray for wealth. A heavenly hand came down and handed them a huge golden table leg. Certainly worth a fortune.
That night, R' Chanina's wife had a dream. They were in heaven, and all the other couples were sitting at three legged tables. Except for them. Their table only had two legs, it couldn't stand.
Realizing that the third leg of their table was the gift they had received, she asked her husband to pray for it to be taken back. And it was.
R' Chaim Vilozhiner associates the three legs of the table in this story with the mishnah (Avos 1:2) about the three pillars of the world: Torah, Divine service, and acts of charity. The Voice said, after all, that R' Chanina supported the world.
The golden leg they received was the one of kindness. Until now, they had reason not to give more charity -- they had nothing more to give. The story as R' Chaim understands it (I wouldn't say this about R' Chanina ben Dosa on my own), suggests that R' Chanina would have been unable to practice charity as he was worthy to had he had the opportunity.
So, R' Chanina ben Dosa was poor.
Similarly, the person who is medically needy because that keeps him close to G-d. The person who, had he been healthy, would have been more distracted by the physical opportunities afforded him.
This is the son who doesn't know how to ask. Unlike the wise son, who asks "How shall I respond?" or the son of uncomplicated, pure and simple faith, who asks "G-d, G-d, why have you forsaken me?" (Tehillim 22:1) this son isn't asking anything. He isn't capable of grappling with this issue -- be it a tragedy, or be it the Exodus.
"You shall start for him." Our response must be to help them grow.
Of course, these four sons are archetypes. Real people are wise on some issues, determined to be wrong about others. We have a simple straight to the point perspectives on yet other things, and there are those issues we aren't prepared or ready to face. But it is only through growth that we can reach our goals as individuals and as a people.
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